This last weekend I had the honor and pleasure of running for about 16 hours at Princecon 44, one in a series of incredible weekend long 100+ player shared world D&D marathons. One of the most distinctive elements is usually the goofy magic items, and these are some of the sillier ones I came up with.
Another key item I made was a series of viral magical fungi, which will feature in a separate blog post.
Endurance Drums: While these drums are being played, constant physical activity grants immunity to exhaustion effects within 60’
Wurm’s Calabash: Smoking out of this purple ivory pipe as a bonus action creates smoke illusions controlled at will. 5’ diameter, 30’ range, each turn 1 in 2 chance of dissipation.
Toasting Horn: Carved from the tusk of an umber hulk, toasting with this horn will duplicate any mundane liquids into another vessel.
Unfamiliar: Stone statue carved in the form of a tiny dwarven caricature. Will follow simple orders from anyone for up to 3d6 minutes. Willfully misinterprets commands for comedy purposes when possible. Won’t stop pestering last command-giver for new instructions in broken dwarvish.
Wasa-bee: This buzzing green paste may be applied to food eaten during a short rest. You constantly exhale bees until your next rest. As a bonus action, you may expend a hit die to exhale a swarm of bees. They swarm a creature within 30', granting advantage on all attacks versus it. Any creature entering the swarm or beginning their turn their takes 2d8 piercing damage and must save vs. CON 14 or become Poisoned.
Maple Syrup: You may apply this golden syrup to food eaten during a short rest. Your legs sprout into tree trunks, increasing your heigh by 6d6 feet and tripling your move speed.
Sliding Slippers: When you use your entire move speed in a straight line, you continue to slide forwards that far again or fall prone, taking 1d6 bludgeoning damage.
Bar of Planar Exfoliation: This scrubby soap puts things back where they go. As an action, you may attempt to scrub a target as a dexterity attack. Doing so applies the spell Banishment, and then you drop the soap, which slides 3d6*5' in a random direction.
Aluh Ring: Bladed iron ring 5’ in diameter. As an action, you can begin swinging it around your waist. Any creature who approaches the ring or begins their turn next to you must save vs. your Dexterity or suffer 1d6+Dex slashing damage. At the beginning of your turns you must save vs DEX 12 or suffer the same. As an action, you can whorl it all around you, imposing a check from all adjacent creatures.
Seeker’s Spike: A cruel tooth of a javelin carved of purple ivory with an obsidian tip. Deals 1d8 damage. When thrown for successful damage, the wielder teleports to be holding it again.
Meteoric Plate: Brutalist iron armor (ruled as plate), beset with 12 flame-styled spikes hot to the touch. A blazing meteor is carved in the chest. As a reaction, you may eject a suddenly white-hot spike as a ranged attack with 30' range. Deals 1d6 piercing and 1d6 fire damage on a failed save, only deals fire damage on a success. Spikes plunge into their target, dealing 1d6 fire damge at the beginning of their turn until removed.
As a reaction, you may detonate the meteor. You, and all creatures in your square and a 20’ cone must make a DEX save vs. your dexterity score or take 1d12 sonic damage and 4d6 fire damage. A successful save takes half fire damage. This destroys the armor.
Bracers of Succor: Hexagonal iron bracers, each carved with a snarling dwarven face. Six stubby iron spikes pierce the wearer’s flesh when they buckle closed. Their eyes scan for fleshy targets, hungry for blood. Landing a melee attack inevitably douses them in blood they quickly gulp down. Each time this occurs, the bearer is magically healed for 1 HP.
Armor of the Dolorous Chime: This thick iron armor is hewn from a gargantuan church bell. Ruled as plate, any unsuccessful attack against its bearer produces a painful ring in a 5’ radius. This creates 5’ knockback, and each character must make a CON save vs. the rolled attack value or become Deafened until the end of their next turn. As an action, you may retreat into the bell. You gain +4 AC, but lose all movement speed, line of sight, and fail all dexterity saving throws. You also become vulnerable to sonic damage.
Supplicant’s ring: Skin contact grants bearer knowledge of surface level desires.
Devoted Bookmark: When placed in a book, grants a 5’ fly speed used to follow you around provided line of sight. Will hover open next to you with gently flapping pages.
Bag of Mindwarp root: A half-rotten nub of gnarled wood. Sickly sweet to the nose and tongue. As an action, chew the root to send yourself into a torturous trance, Paralyzing you until you are woken. One target you see makes a wisdom saving throw vs. your Wisdom score or enters the same trance. At the beginning of your turn each entranced creature makes an opposed wisdom check. If one creature is lower than another, they take psychic damage equal to thrice the difference.
Miser’s scale: This finely engraved golden pocket scale tilts based on value to the bearer rather than mass. You may optionally attune to this item, allowing you to make a deception check to mentally tip the scale.
Carnivore’s medley: Apply this spice to any food you consume during a rest. Until your next rest, you have advantage on attacks against creatures you intend to eat. If you gain this benefit but do not eat the creature within an hour, you become Poisoned until the end of your next long rest.
Headwrap of Television: Wrap your head in this cloth, and your eyes will clamber out of the folds of fabric moments later on tentacles of optic nerves. At will, you may move each with a 20’ speed. You retain vision through them.
GM Note: Eyes are much more vulnerable to attack outside of a skull.
Gauntlets of Vigilance: Whenever you make an attack, you may use your reaction to shuck these gloves. Floating in mid-air, they will continue to attack in the exact same fashion at the beginning of your next 3d20 turns. They attack at +0 with disadvantage. When finished, they fall to the ground.
Your race becomes Leprechaun. Your height is reduced to 3’+1d12”. All of your clothes or armor you are wearing or put on become green and gain 4d6 buckles. Any weapon you wield appears as a shillelagh. When speaking you have a distinct accent no one is able to quite place. Your body becomes weightless. As a bonus action, you may pluck 2d20 gold coins from the air.
Shroud of Anguish: A damp shawl, knit of greying fibers. At the beginning of each turn, you and one creature you target loses 5' of movement speed. Any creature with their speed reduced to 0 in this way is incapacitated with sadness, unable to take actions. Allied creatures may use their action to restore 5' of your movement speed.
Another key item I made was a series of viral magical fungi, which will feature in a separate blog post.
Party Favors
Doubling trumpet: Flanged brass horn the size of a torso. Echoes sounds from a paired receiver in the form of an Iron ring filled with a mesh screen. Feedback loop creates 2d12 thunder damage in a 60’ radius after a turn, destroying the horn.Endurance Drums: While these drums are being played, constant physical activity grants immunity to exhaustion effects within 60’
Wurm’s Calabash: Smoking out of this purple ivory pipe as a bonus action creates smoke illusions controlled at will. 5’ diameter, 30’ range, each turn 1 in 2 chance of dissipation.
Toasting Horn: Carved from the tusk of an umber hulk, toasting with this horn will duplicate any mundane liquids into another vessel.
Unfamiliar: Stone statue carved in the form of a tiny dwarven caricature. Will follow simple orders from anyone for up to 3d6 minutes. Willfully misinterprets commands for comedy purposes when possible. Won’t stop pestering last command-giver for new instructions in broken dwarvish.
Magical condiments
Mage-onnaise: This shimmering white goop produces an arcane tingle in the taste buds when sampled. Apply it to food when eating during a short rest, and there is a 1 in 2 chance that the first spell you cast does not consume a spell slot.Wasa-bee: This buzzing green paste may be applied to food eaten during a short rest. You constantly exhale bees until your next rest. As a bonus action, you may expend a hit die to exhale a swarm of bees. They swarm a creature within 30', granting advantage on all attacks versus it. Any creature entering the swarm or beginning their turn their takes 2d8 piercing damage and must save vs. CON 14 or become Poisoned.
Maple Syrup: You may apply this golden syrup to food eaten during a short rest. Your legs sprout into tree trunks, increasing your heigh by 6d6 feet and tripling your move speed.
Souvenirs from Donkuhm, the ancient dwarven Spa
Bolt of Cleansing: This fuzzy bolt of cloth is a pristine white, and cannot be dirtied by mundane means. As an action, it can be used to remove all conditions from a target. The towel absorbs them, and can be used to attack another creature as a dexterity weapon. If you hit, it deals 1 bludgeoning damage and applies all conditions cleansed this way.Sliding Slippers: When you use your entire move speed in a straight line, you continue to slide forwards that far again or fall prone, taking 1d6 bludgeoning damage.
Bar of Planar Exfoliation: This scrubby soap puts things back where they go. As an action, you may attempt to scrub a target as a dexterity attack. Doing so applies the spell Banishment, and then you drop the soap, which slides 3d6*5' in a random direction.
Weapons and armor of the fungal berserkers, the Firearms
Dansuer's Clogs: Heavy iron clogs that bolt closed around the ankles. Grants advantage on dancing, free movement past intelligent creatures unless they CHA save vs your charisma score, and allows you to make a melee stomp attack disguised as dance for 1d8+STR as a bonus action. Every 10m of activity requires a CON save based on the level of activity or suffer a level of exhaustion.Aluh Ring: Bladed iron ring 5’ in diameter. As an action, you can begin swinging it around your waist. Any creature who approaches the ring or begins their turn next to you must save vs. your Dexterity or suffer 1d6+Dex slashing damage. At the beginning of your turns you must save vs DEX 12 or suffer the same. As an action, you can whorl it all around you, imposing a check from all adjacent creatures.
Seeker’s Spike: A cruel tooth of a javelin carved of purple ivory with an obsidian tip. Deals 1d8 damage. When thrown for successful damage, the wielder teleports to be holding it again.
Meteoric Plate: Brutalist iron armor (ruled as plate), beset with 12 flame-styled spikes hot to the touch. A blazing meteor is carved in the chest. As a reaction, you may eject a suddenly white-hot spike as a ranged attack with 30' range. Deals 1d6 piercing and 1d6 fire damage on a failed save, only deals fire damage on a success. Spikes plunge into their target, dealing 1d6 fire damge at the beginning of their turn until removed.
As a reaction, you may detonate the meteor. You, and all creatures in your square and a 20’ cone must make a DEX save vs. your dexterity score or take 1d12 sonic damage and 4d6 fire damage. A successful save takes half fire damage. This destroys the armor.
Bracers of Succor: Hexagonal iron bracers, each carved with a snarling dwarven face. Six stubby iron spikes pierce the wearer’s flesh when they buckle closed. Their eyes scan for fleshy targets, hungry for blood. Landing a melee attack inevitably douses them in blood they quickly gulp down. Each time this occurs, the bearer is magically healed for 1 HP.
Armor of the Dolorous Chime: This thick iron armor is hewn from a gargantuan church bell. Ruled as plate, any unsuccessful attack against its bearer produces a painful ring in a 5’ radius. This creates 5’ knockback, and each character must make a CON save vs. the rolled attack value or become Deafened until the end of their next turn. As an action, you may retreat into the bell. You gain +4 AC, but lose all movement speed, line of sight, and fail all dexterity saving throws. You also become vulnerable to sonic damage.
Wares of the duplicitous, cerebrophagic merchants known as the Fetid Dreamers
Noxious Kerchief: When draped upon the ground with malintent, camouflages itself. Disturbance causes the sound and smell of an embarrassing bodily action. The creature who disturbed it must pass a CHA 14 save or everyone thinks it was them.Supplicant’s ring: Skin contact grants bearer knowledge of surface level desires.
Devoted Bookmark: When placed in a book, grants a 5’ fly speed used to follow you around provided line of sight. Will hover open next to you with gently flapping pages.
Bag of Mindwarp root: A half-rotten nub of gnarled wood. Sickly sweet to the nose and tongue. As an action, chew the root to send yourself into a torturous trance, Paralyzing you until you are woken. One target you see makes a wisdom saving throw vs. your Wisdom score or enters the same trance. At the beginning of your turn each entranced creature makes an opposed wisdom check. If one creature is lower than another, they take psychic damage equal to thrice the difference.
Miser’s scale: This finely engraved golden pocket scale tilts based on value to the bearer rather than mass. You may optionally attune to this item, allowing you to make a deception check to mentally tip the scale.
Carnivore’s medley: Apply this spice to any food you consume during a rest. Until your next rest, you have advantage on attacks against creatures you intend to eat. If you gain this benefit but do not eat the creature within an hour, you become Poisoned until the end of your next long rest.
Headwrap of Television: Wrap your head in this cloth, and your eyes will clamber out of the folds of fabric moments later on tentacles of optic nerves. At will, you may move each with a 20’ speed. You retain vision through them.
GM Note: Eyes are much more vulnerable to attack outside of a skull.
Gauntlets of Vigilance: Whenever you make an attack, you may use your reaction to shuck these gloves. Floating in mid-air, they will continue to attack in the exact same fashion at the beginning of your next 3d20 turns. They attack at +0 with disadvantage. When finished, they fall to the ground.
Charm-coins of Lupar-Kahn
Set of 8. A basalt disk, the size of your palm. Inscribed on both faces is a simple glyph, shimmering with an iridescent pigment that suffuses the rock. The glyph is...- a rose colored heart. Giving this coin to an intelligent creature applies the effects of the cantrip Friends for 10 minutes.
- a vermillion star. Giving this coin to an intelligent creature causes you to sparkle magnificently for 1d4 hours.
- a violet horseshoe. Giving this coin to an intelligent creature grants you 10’ of additional speed when moving directly toward them. This lasts until your next rest or the coin is given again, whichever occurs first.
- a jade clover. Giving this coin to an intelligent creature transfers all ill odors, leaving behind a fresh verdant scent, tinged with citrus.
- an aquamarine crescent. Giving this coin to an intelligent creature grants you use of the Shape Water cantrip until your next rest or the coin is given again, whichever occurs first.
- a stylized gold coin. When giving this coin to an intelligent creature, 2d12 mundane gold coins tumble out of it as well.
- a prismatic arc. Giving this coin to an intelligent creature causes all worn or carried objects to be randomly and permanently colored: 1.Red 2. Orange 3. Yellow 4. Green 5. Blue 6. Purple 7. All color is lost 8. GM’s choice.
- a red balloon. Giving this coin to an intelligent creature applies 100+1d0*10lb of lift to them for 1d6*10 minutes.
Your race becomes Leprechaun. Your height is reduced to 3’+1d12”. All of your clothes or armor you are wearing or put on become green and gain 4d6 buckles. Any weapon you wield appears as a shillelagh. When speaking you have a distinct accent no one is able to quite place. Your body becomes weightless. As a bonus action, you may pluck 2d20 gold coins from the air.
Artifacts of Primal Emotion
Javelin of Ecstacy: Wrought of glimmering gold, an immense feeling of pleasure whelms anyone holding this weapon. Any creature beginning their turn impaled with this weapon is healed for 3d6 damage. They must then pass a wisdom saving throw with DC equal to 10+the amount healed this way or become incapacitated with ecstacy until the beginning of their next turn.Shroud of Anguish: A damp shawl, knit of greying fibers. At the beginning of each turn, you and one creature you target loses 5' of movement speed. Any creature with their speed reduced to 0 in this way is incapacitated with sadness, unable to take actions. Allied creatures may use their action to restore 5' of your movement speed.
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